A woman waves downward from a rooftop, 2003 Taipei




A STARE

When I was a photojournalist, I was responsible for monitoring police and firefighter's radio. I was very interested in taking people's reaction in extreme conditions. And because of this work, I got to do that a lot.

In a news event, when I witnessed something overwhelming happening, the fact you could hide behind that little frame of your camera is fascinating. Behind that little frame, I considered all those things image-wisely, calmly wait to nail the right shot, disregarded the fact you are flashing your subject right on their face weather he or she is ecstatic because of over-joyness or overwhelming because of great lose.

It felt like riding a roller coaster. And all that happens behind that little frame. There is not a specific photographer affect the way I photograph to as much as my job did.

There was an experience. I was on night shift someday in April, 2005. A suicide-intending event broadcasted through the radio about a girl who went over the rail and standed on a stick-out on fourth floor and threaten to jump. As usual, I rushed to the scene and founded the subject, dressed in bright red, easily to recognize in the dark night. I could not be more happy realize two things right at the moment- first I was the first photographer there (which means I could have the shot exclusively, and a image with a firefighter griping a girl is always an absolute-use, and probably an award winning photograph ) , second there was a vintage point right across the building where the girl was, a fourth floor balcony, if I can reach up there, I can approach the subject within 5 meters.

When I finally made it up to the balcony ( I had to bang people's door, luckily they already woke up by the disturbance earlier and kindly enough letting me in ), I quickly put on a 28-70m lens and mounted a flashlight and I headed up. The girl was standing there staring at me, face to face. No other photographers or even a firefighter was around at the moment. The distance was much more close than I expected, probably only 2, or 3 meters. It was a emotionless face. I examined her face for how long I could not remember. It was a beautiful, bony desperate face, there is no model can pose for that. I was dumbfounded. She is a subject, totally exposed herself in front of me, totally vulnerable just like I was exposed to her. I am exciting; I am shameful, and I am desperate. I couldn't even uplift camera so that I can hide behind it.

"Don't' do it" I mumbled. I didn't know why I dared talk to her. What if she jumped right after my talking to her. It is probably the first time I talked to the subject who intended to commit suicide. She did not reply but stared at me.

I did not regained conscious until other photographers came. At the moment firefighters grabbed her, flashlight showered her like crazy. Tragically enough my flashlight wouldn't recharge after the first shot. The only shot I took was later proven dead because of overblown flashlight.

One week later, one of my coworkers told me a girl was found dead outside an elementary school in the vicinity area, dressing all red. He went up to the roof trying to shoot downward to include the whole scene. He founded the girl lying on the ground staring right up through his viewfinder. The body was later proven the same girl I covered the other night. The stare comes to me once in a while since then. I didn't capture the image, but it has kept haunting me ever since.

The horrific/exciting experience was an epiphany. I began to realize the essence of shooting people's face. Everyone has their own little tragedy they can't shift blame to others, and regardless the magnitude of those personal tragedies, it will tag along their host forever. Being different from bloody events in Iraq, Indonesia tsunami, or 911, in which we can easily attribute the causes of those events to some great injustice, disaster or God divine. Those personal tragedies happen not because the irregularity of the world but the normalcy of life. Under the same experience, everyone can be equally desperate and probably at a very good rate pull off the same extreme scene, like we see in the newspaper.

That desperation is an energy , revealed in our face and make us a great image.

I shoot them.